


Anchor

by DGCatAniSiri



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: The reaction mission on Cyone brings some uncomfortable memories to the surface for Shepard.





	Anchor

Captain Riley’s call for help echoed in Shepard’s ears. There wasn’t time to waste, he had to act on instinct. “I’m sending someone to your location!” He glanced to Kaidan. “Kaidan...”

Kaidan nodded. “I’m on it!” he said, hurrying off, assault rifle already in hand, leaving Shepard with only James watching his back against the Reaper forces. A roar demanded he pull himself away from Kaidan’s retreating form, just in time to narrowly dive out of the way of the swing of a brute. 

Between him and James, though, they had plenty of bullets to pour into the Reaper abomination, as well as the two marauders flanking it. With a shudder, the brute fell to the ground. There was a moment for Shepard to breathe. 

“Loco! We gotta get these reactors back online!” James called.

Shepard nodded. “Right.” As he moved to the console, he tapped his comm. “Kaidan! What’s your status?” He waited for a response. As the comm was silent, a sinking feeling settled in to the pit of his stomach. This seemed all too familiar.

As he punched in the codes to reactivate the reactor, he opened another channel to Steve. “Cortez. Can you contact Kaidan? Or Captain Riley?” He was pretty sure he’d managed to keep the panic out of his voice. At least he hoped so. 

“ _There’s a lot of interference, Commander. I can barely read you. No word yet from Captain Riley_ ,” came the report from the shuttle pilot.

Now, Shepard truly was concerned. And suddenly, memories hit him in a rush.

_He had to make a choice. The bomb or the salarian team. Kaidan or Ashley. He could only save one of them. He had to choose. And his choice would mean one of his friends was going to die here. Because of him._

It wasn’t the same, he told himself. This was sending Kaidan as backup for Captain Riley, give them an extra gun. This wasn’t deciding between two friends, making sure the bomb went off or giving the salarian team the extra hand they needed. This wasn’t the same.

But he still felt that pit of coldness. He was making a choice between the people under his command. That was never an easy choice for any CO, but here...

“Loco, we’d better head back to the rendezvous point. If Captain Riley’s team are...” James seemed realize that there was no good way to end that sentence, so he tried again. “They’re gonna be there, if they’re anywhere.”

Shepard nodded. They couldn’t do much else at this point. Either Captain Riley and Kaidan were alive, or...

Better not to think of it. They just had to head back to the rendezvous. 

With every step, though, Shepard felt worry and fear pounding away at him. It wasn’t until he and James rounded the corner and found a group of human and turian soldiers – there was Corporal Nyrek, organizing his men – that the ball of fear began to relax.

Then he caught sight of the blue armor. 

Shepard’s sigh of relief was surely audible. Captain Riley, standing next to Kaidan, seemed to take it as referring to the whole company, and offered her thanks to Shepard and company. Shepard responded with only half a mind paid to her, busy making sure that he was accepting that the sight before him was true. 

Kaidan’s helmet obscured his face, but Shepard could tell that he was flashing him a smile meant to soothe his nerves – the advantage of having served together for so long even before their relationship had deepened was that they were both very much in tune with one another’s body language, even with the bulky armor that they wore. 

Captain Riley and her team were ready for rotation, but they needed to hold the fuel reactors in case the Reapers returned. A brief communication with Hackett confirmed that a group of N7 operatives were already on the way, which meant that they’d have their relief soon. With that confirmation, Shepard and company were free to return to the Normandy.

After the standard debriefing, which Shepard found himself handling almost entirely on automatic, he made his way into the elevator and returned to his quarters. He wasn’t surprised to find Kaidan already there, waiting for him – he’d seen the way that Shepard had reacted, knew that whatever else, Shepard needed him.

“Shepard,” Kaidan said, offering a supportive smile. Shepard pulled close to Kaidan, letting out a relieved sigh, as if he hadn’t been entirely certain that Kaidan was safe until now that he could actually touch, truly hold him.

For a long moment, both were silent, Shepard just standing there, holding Kaidan tight. When he could finally let himself fully believe that they were both here, safe and sound. 

“Kind of a... rough ride, huh, Shepard?” Kaidan said, offering a smile. He just held his lover for another moment, then finally he pulled back. Shepard wouldn’t let him entirely out of his grip, but he at least was able to pull back enough to look Shepard in the eye. “Shepard... Not that I don’t appreciate the affection, but...” He left the question unsaid, knowing Shepard would be able to fill in the rest of it.

Shepard ran a hand up to caress Kaidan’s cheek. “I... Sending you to go help Captain Riley... It made me think of Virmire.”

That was a sobering thought. Kaidan could see the similarities – at the time, he had just been focused on making it through things alive. The Reapers had been crawling over the place – in a couple of instances, that had been literal, given the way that husks had a tendency to wander across any available surface. He’d had a mission to accomplish, that had been what he’d tried to make it through to do. Lives had depended on him. Now that he was out of there, however... He could certainly see the similarities. Husks were almost as bad as those hopping geth that seemed to have fallen out of favor since the bad old days with Saren, and now they were supported with cannibals and marauders. 

“I wasn’t setting off a nuke this time, Shepard,” Kaidan said with a gentle grin, trying more to get his lover to laugh, relax a little, given the way he’d clearly been worried. 

“Still... You were risking your life away from me. On my orders.” Shepard managed an attempt at a wry grin. “I don’t like being separated from you.”

Kaidan caught the undercurrent of that – he’d lost a lot when they’d been parted. He’d had to choose between Kaidan and Ashley on Virmire. When he’d left Kaidan behind on the Normandy, he’d died. Cerberus had kept them apart, he’d gone on a suicide mission through the Omega-4 Relay. While Kaidan was convalescing in a hospital bed on the Citadel, Shepard had faced a Reaper on foot, guarded by a horde of Brutes. Separation had a bad history for them. 

“It’s not exactly something I like, either.” Kaidan wanted to promise – or ask for a promise – that they’d never be separated again, but he knew better. This was a war for survival. Neither of them could hold the other to a promise like that – they had their duties to perform, and, despite everything... They could still see the possibility where one of them died, where either or both of them didn’t come back. There were many more missions to come, and so far, they’d managed to cheat death.

Not all of their friends had been so lucky. 

“Kaidan...” 

Kaidan stopped whatever Shepard would say with a kiss. He let himself linger, though he wouldn’t even begin to think of this as a farewell kiss. It was just... all he could to show that he was there. They’d made it through one more day, one more mission. That had to be their focus. Take it a battle at a time.

“Shepard... We’re here. We made it through. That’s what matters.”

It took a moment, but Shepard nodded. “We’re here,” he repeated. 

Still, he clung close to Kaidan, like he was the last port in a storm. 

Kaidan supposed that, for Hackett’s ‘tip of the spear’ against the Reapers, that was exactly what he was for Shepard.

He intended to hold steady.


End file.
